Saturday, 8 October 2011

The Next Decade in Online Dating

Modern Online Dating Survey Results:

Here is a summary of the results of a study about the online dating practices of urban dwellers. This was the culmination for interviewing just under 100 men and women about how they date online and what they look for in potential dates and partners. Online Dating Services may not result in you finding the love of your life, but it may be an interesting diversion from all those poorly directed eHarmony.com and Match.com TV commercials that try to convince you about how lonely you are during late night movies.


Some Dating Insights Gained:

1)     It is not uncommon for members of the online dating community to be members on various sites at the same time. The attitude is that the more exposure you give yourself to other people, the more likely it is that you will find a match. Sort of like buying several lottery tickets instead of just one. These same people are likely to be dating several different people concurrently hoping to find the one who clicks. Playing the field is a defence mechanism in the online arena. Because of the anonymity of the sites, you cannot tap into you normal social networks to find out about the people you are talking to online, or dating in real life. There is a much higher chance of being taken in by a smooth talker. It is also easy to give your heart away to a loser. Keeping several people “in process” at the same time helps you from “settling” on any one of them prematurely. Because of the anonymous nature of online dating sites, you cannot prescreen people through friends before meeting them. One way dating sites try to mitigate that is via chat and anonymous email, but even so, once you meet in real life for the first time, it has more of the hallmarks of a blind date that any other dating situation that you have found yourself in. With this high tendency not to hit it off on the first actual date, the online dating community tends to interact with more people at the same time, and as a consequence, they are more tolerant of people playing the field during the initial relationship phases.

2)     Online Dating is a visual media at best. If you do not post pictures or videos of yourself, especially in situations where you are having fun with others, you can expect little or no action.  Ladies about having less than average looks. If you do a good job of portraying yourself in both words and pictures of someone who loves to have fun, you will get positive results.  For both men and women, this is a marketing exercise – the key here is not to take a crappy looking big-nosed picture of yourself staring into your web-cam’s fish eye lens – everyone already knows that you stare at your computer a lot because you are on an online dating site in the first place.  There is no need to supply a picture of you in such an unflattering pose. The key is to portray an image of you as a person who has fun interacting with other people, animals, children, sports events, etc. If you are a woman, just remember that men see and assume – most do not read much, they look and evaluate visually for the most part, so keep the words to a minimum. If you are a man – pay attention to the words as best you can – look for the “must not be” things that many women pre-qualify their profiles with, and do not annoy them if you are a “must not be” person.  Women are generally strong communicators; hopefully having to read “likes long walks on the beach” for the umpteenth time will not make you lose your cookies.  In any event, for both genders, keep the profile text fun, factual and short. If you are lucky, you will find other people with similar interests and a complimentary sense of silliness. Be prepared to use the email and chatting facilities of the online site to get to know people better. Do not try to give your life story in the profile.  Your profile is a short teaser ad that highlights your benefits to catch someones eye. Do not pollute it with negative statements of past failures. You are trying to sell someone about who you are and where you want to go. You do not want to bore them with the history of your life, all your mistakes, and what you changed your mind about.

3)     Men without jobs have little or no traction on dating sites that are focused on long-term relationships. Women do not want to hang their hats on perceived losers. On the other hand, if you can connect with a woman physically, they will often overlook the fact that you are a bicycle courier, as long as you come across as trying to better yourself.  Keep your personal financial status out of the conversation if at all possible. If the person keeps insisting on focusing on that particular statistic, they just might be a gold digger

4)     BBW

5)     Love does not actually happen online – love can only happen after you meet.  You either click, or you do not. It is the daily interactions and small interpersonal body language signals that are at the root of love. If you meet someone online, they will likely want to meet in person within two to four weeks. You must be cautious on a dating site, but you cannot be overly cautious or you will fail. If you are attracted to someone, so are other people, and you have to compete for their attention. Putting off a face to face meet for too long will doom you to failure.

6)     There is a bit of stigma associated with dating sites. The reputation is that people who use such sites don't have a real life. They are social outcasts, ugly people, and deviants. Nothing is further from the truth. Unfortunately, many people refuse to even try online dating because of these factors.  The reality is that many millions of people have successfully used online dating sites. Because of the anonymous nature of dating sites, you are more likely to be targeted by deviants on facebook, where everyone can see your real name, than on a dating site, where nobody knows your real name or where you live. People are strangely closed mouthed about telling people that they met online, which leads many people who have never used a dating service to assume it is useless, or worse yet, just a scam. This tendency to be closed-mouthed is kind of silly because everyone knows that people who date to have met at some time, so why try to hide it.

7)    Online dating is amazing in it’s ability to connect people who would likely never have met in real life. Since everyone is there for the same reason, and since it is possible to simultaneously be interacting with several people at once, you really do have a much better chance of finding someone that you are truly compatible with for the long term. Online dating is actually the best forum for people to meet when they are just too busy, too tied up, or just not inclined to be wandering around bar hopping or social clubs trying to meet people. Online dating is one of the most modern types of tools for people to use on the internet. It is where the cool guys hang out these days. People like you who are not afraid to try something fairly new, or not quite in the mainstream. No matter if the forum is online dating or bar hopping, when it comes to finding the person of your dreams, you will likely have to kiss a few frogs along the way. So just get out into that real world or Internet marshland and get on with it.


If you are interested in online dating sites, then you might want to check out this resource page:

Online Dating